Seen Around Town

Like a lightning bolt, a fantastic idea struck Hobbes and I during our morning walk yesterday. Rather than attempt to describe daily conditions in Switzerland, we've instead constructed an interactive virtual immersion experience (a $500 value if you'd been considering Rosetta Stone-German software instead).

Ours is a "Virtual Swiss Dog Walk" in which you encounter German signage around town and must thereby make important lifestyle decisions. As with any standardized test, the questions start easy but the difficulty increases rapidly. You can click on a picture to enlarge it. Ready? Here we go...

Question 1. When homesickness kicks in, where can you find the Stars & Stripes American Bar & Restaurant?

A. in New York City
B. at Mt. Rushmore
C. in the space shuttle
D. in Brütten

Question 2. When every square centimeter of your kitchen space is covered in recyclable goods, which can be deposited here?

A. coffee grounds, orange peels and chicken carcasses
B. any object clearly labeled Grün or Weiss
C. green and white glass AND plastic bottles
D. green and white glass ONLY, but not on weekdays after 8pm or anytime Sundays or holidays


Question 3. Who is Ueli Maurer and what does he want with you?

A. an insurance agent, wanting to sell you a policy
B. a dentist, demonstrating how white he can make your teeth
C. an alderman, with progressive ideas about new garbage bags for your recycling
D. the leader of Zürich's SVP political party, who wants your vote after recently making international headlines with an ambiguously racist ad of white sheep kicking a black sheep out of Switzerland


Question 4. It's 3pm on Monday afternoon and you're ravenous (also you're not working). You see this sign around the corner from your new apartment. It contains several exciting German/English cognates, such as pizza, hier and Montag, and lots of numbers. Do you:

A. immediately follow the arrow around the block, looking for your local pizza restaurant
B. call 079 466 61 49 to reserve a table later Monday evening
C. bide your time until Tuesday, because the restaurant obviously isn't open on Mondays
D. return exactly here from 5-8pm on Mondays only, where a pizza van screeches to a halt and sells fresh, made-to-order, take-away, thin-crust, wood-fired pizzas that taste like you're in Napoli


Question 5. You're dying to try some authentic Swiss-German food. Every Swiss restaurant is required by law to post its menu and prices outside. Here's the menu from your local restaurant. Do you:

A. avoid the restaurant completely, always eat at home
B. wait until Fri, 30 Nov and order the only words you can pronounce, Spaghetti Pesto
C. point to the pig in the bottom right corner when ordering because it seems like the house specialty
D. memorize the words Zürcher geschnetzeltes, meaning anything sliced in a mushroom cream sauce, and order it everywhere you go (for example, here on Wed, 28 Nov)


Question 6. You're looking for some Swiss cultural events to attend and see this poster. Excited, you rush home to tell your spouse to:

A. reserve your spots at the authentic Swiss wine & cheese tasting
B. prepare for the upcoming exhibition of yodeling and Alp horn playing
C. start assembling a gift list for the town's annual Christmas Market
D. lock it down, fo shizzle...boogie up, chief rocker!




Answer Key: If you answered 'A' to all of the above, your Swiss immersion experience mirrors mine exactly. If you answered 'D,' you're already psychically German or Swiss and would encounter no problems here.