Hausherr House Hunt

Contrary to the news reports, life as ein Hausherr is not all fun and games. For example, without my advanced education and hardcore wilderness training, we could encounter real trouble here. From Psychology 101 and Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, I'm acutely aware that Stephanie and Hobbes will never achieve the pinnacle of Self-Actualization unless the basics of shelter, water and food are consistently met (clean dishes and straightening the bed are somewhere in the middle of the Hierarchy, if memory serves me). And backcountry survival teaches that humans will live without shelter for only 3 hours, water for 3 days and food for 30 days. With those responsibilities burning like a brand in my mind as soon as I'm capable of rolling out of bed each morning--and often self-sacrificing dire personal needs like shaving and showering--I battle daily with whatever the city with one of the highest global standards of lifestyle comfort can throw my way.

Per my training, I focus first on supplies of mineral water (with gas) and other necessary liquids--wine (preferably one bottle each of white and red), beer and coffee. Then I attack the puzzle of an optimum daily macronutrient profile to supply enough carbs, protein, vegetable fat and animal fat, usually consisting of fresh bread, cheese, occasionally olives, ham and lately, ice cream. Of course, the most critical need is also the hardest to obtain, that is, procuring long-term shelter for the rapidly approaching winter, otherwise known as the Great Zürich Apartment Search.

The city of Zürich apartment market is exceedingly tight. Unfortunately, since everyone here is rich, throwing money at the problem doesn't help but we're doing it anyway. Think New York housing prices. Swiss mortgage lenders require a minimum 20% down payment to purchase a house, with both the properties and the cost of living being quite expensive, resulting in 80% of the Swiss population renting housing instead of owning. So the good places don't flip often and when they do, people descend like a pack of Golden Retrievers on an open bag of Eukanuba.

My real daily job is maintaining vigilant "on-call" status so that when Mr. Mssrli from the relocation company rings me on the temporary cell phone, I'm ready in my nice pants and sport coat (I'm not always a slob) to visit an apartment downtown with two hours' notice; the trip to city center Zürich takes maybe 45 minutes door-to-door via bus and train (very much like O'Hare). Apartment openings in the neighborhoods where we're looking (the nice areas!) are usually posted on real estate web sites in the morning and removed by mid-afternoon because 10-15 showings have already been arranged. One very nice apartment a mere two blocks from Lake Zürich had 70 inquiries (!) and an estimated 30 showings at the open house (including us). Landlords post properties only three weeks (or less) in advance and don't provide the "winner" with notice until a week before the move-in date. In real estate terms, I think that's called a sellers' market. And recall our acceptable range of monthly rent runs from--on the low end--our mortgage payment in Chicago (and we weren't living in a dump) up to a 30% increase.

Today is Tuesday, so in our seven workdays here I've seen three apartments that meet our requirements. Not exactly a blistering pace. The good news is that within our price range, places are either brand new or immaculately maintained and surprisingly sizable (around 140 m2 or 1,500 ft2; our temporary pad in Kloten is a microscopic 450 ft2), including in-unit laundry. Our relocation company has been extremely helpful at pulling all possible strings--we wouldn't have a prayer without them. The System is that once an open apartment has its pool of suitors, applicants submit their information and the landlord picks one. We have two disadvantages, one being our enormous hairy child and the other our residence visa status (we're viewed as potential "short-timers," a mere one- or two-year rental). Sterile pet-hating Swiss-national applicants have a massive upper hand.

Nonetheless, the game just started and we're not punching the panic button yet. Hyatt so far appears sympathetic and isn't pushing. So stay tuned for the inevitable joyful blog post that we've nailed down our new Swiss home!