Theory of Expatriation, Pt. 2

Continuing to develop thoughts regarding big moves and subsequent adoption or not of a new home, we left off at the "homesickness gap," that is, the perceived loss of a mixture of loved characteristics, both anticipated and unanticipated, of one's home (applicable to moving from Chicago to Zürich, yes, or possibly applicable to moving from, say, rural Vermont to Dallas/Ft.Worth). Attempting to quantify the unquantifiable, I'll break the homesickness gap into two portions, a smaller short-term portion (say 30% of the total) of simple daily missed items and a larger long-term portion (say 70%) of fundamental items such as family and friends. The short-term portion is synonymous with the common, acute "homesick feeling" from being away from home for several weeks or months.

So how does one bridge the short-term homesickness gap? By searching for replacement items, of course. Somewhat akin to being on vacation, when immersed in a foreign culture one tries all the new offerings hoping to find some new loves. Because the Theory says it's not sustainable long-term to replace things one loves with things one likes. That's when homesickness drags on or never quite leaves. But here it gets tricky, because instinctually one seeks out direct replacements for lost items to the same degree. Instead of unsweet iced tea, try Rivella (Switzerland's beloved answer to ginger ale, made from milk syrup). Doner kebops instead of burritos. Schoggigipfels instead of bagels. Vaunted streetcar transportation instead of el & BMW. Try every restaurant in town (expecially Swiss-Mexican restaurants). Etcetera.

The scorecard will show some wins but almost certainly more losses. But it's time to whip out your Mont Blanc, because here comes the non-intuitve cornerstone of the entire Theory: the short- and long-term homesickness gap can only be bridged by indirect replacement. That is, one must learn to love completely different things than those missed and of course, one doesn't immediately recognize what those are. In the short-term, the home loves can be offset by new diverse likes and acute homesickness will dissipate. But after a year or two or five, if the total gap hasn't been bridged by an equivalent "amount" of newly developed different loves, one returns to the original home. If the total gap has been bridged, one remains in the newly-adopted home.

Early on, it's difficult to determine which likes might develop into new loves. In our situation, the grocery store food is blow-your-mind fresh if you don't mind cooking every night. The Uetliberg hike and comprehensive trail system are a 25-minute tram journey away. A mere 20-minute walk affords different forested trails and great city views. We found another 8-minute tram journey to a different series of great running trails and panoramas (totally unexpected). If you love trails, this could be the start of something good. We'll try skiing this winter, perhaps that will be awesome. We've found one good wine bar so far and an excellent feels-like-Spain tapas bar this weekend (unexpected!). Thus the short-term homesickness felt keenly in early January has mostly dissipated because we're liking these things and they add up.

As a "proof" of my cockamamie theory, I (and I'm probably not alone) felt a completely foreign emotion in mid-January--not exactly homesickness but without a better name--where I wasn't longing to return home but illogically wanted my friends and family in Switzerland to experience these new things together. I now equate that emotion to the short-term gap being bridged and thus feeling the long-term gap more acutely.

So the $64,000 question asked by U.S. colleagues in equal measure either wishing for our eventual return or never wanting to see us again is: so are you staying in Europe or what? My cop-out answer is that it's too early to tell. We've talked to ex-pats who hated the first two years but now would never return "home"; we've talked to ex-pats that adored the first year but were ready to leave Europe after the second year; and we've talked to ex-pats who returned home and now miss Europe.

Ours like all the others will be an ongoing tale. But if you really want my prediction at any given moment--or if you want to hear some additional theories--you'll need to visit Zürich and we'll discuss it over schnitzel with fried egg and a Rivella.